I swear, I must have been manic coming up with this.
I have never ever run a charity campaign, or even organized anything more complicated than the summer cookout to celebrate my move to my current apartment. I have never really tried to "sell" myself or a cause. And I have never streamed for more than 12 hours.
It started with a wake-up a couple weeks ago, and deciding I wanted to do a charity stream. To Google I went, looking up how to's and when to's and what do's. I settled on
Tiltify.com to host the campaign, for ease of use for my newb self, and for the option to not use Paypal to handle donations. Next up, a perusal of charity causes. Sick children, cancer, veterans- so many good and noble causes. Then I saw it:
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I found my cause.
I have always been an anxious and moody child. Around 11 I became a little more moody. By 12 I had developed full on depression symptoms. I swore I could feel the mood swing drowning my body in a physical wave of sadness and despair, and it would happen at the most inconvenient of times- even during class in front of my classmates! I had a notebook of suicide notes and letters asking for my possessions to be doled out a certain way, notes on how I wanted my body prepared after death.... I kept it under my bed. It was almost like my journal.
My first actual suicide attempt was at 17. I lost all rationality, took the only pill bottle I could find that my parents wouldn't miss, and swallowed the lot secretly in my bedroom before school while my mother- on a rare occasion home from work- did her morning puttering about the house. I had wanted to just lie in bed after, but with mom home and secrecy being highly important, I hid the bottle and went to school as usual. By the start of first period I because woozy, and my teacher walked me to the nurse's office. It was decided I was sick from skipping breakfast, I laid on a cot, and went through 8 hours of the worst vertigo I have ever had. Mom was called, but she wasn't able to take me home until 9th period. I must have passed out at some time, because after a few trips to the toilet, I woke to find the school day nearly done and the nurse at my side telling me a ride had finally come.
There have been attempts since, all involving medication overdoses and hospitalization. My last attempt was in 2011, when I vowed never to return to a hospital again.
It is through a county run clinic that I get therapy and medication, now. I have taken courses in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), two very good resources for coping skills, the latter being a life saver. My state has a pretty decent health care option for those of us too unstable to work or pay for health insurance. I can get life saving medication from them, glasses, and dental work- within limits, of course. I am even supplied with a social worker, who has been my greatest resource for living as close to a normal life as I have.
However, so many people don't have access to resources like this. They must flounder alone, nothing to cling to, in what feels like an overwhelming turbulent and angry sea. Many don't make it to old age. Many don't want to. I myself knew in my bones I'd be dead by 25 by my own hands. Thankfully, I'm still here 11 years later. And then there's the devastation of surviving friends and family. Guilt, anger, sadness, the shame of impotence or blindness to "obvious" warning signs.
AFSP.org has a mission to help those in need, through
many outlets. I want to help them in their work, to prove to myself and to show others that none of us truly suffers alone.
Cause found, what the heck do I do? Well, I'm a creative streamer. While many on
Twitch.tv stream live game play, some in the community stream art or crafting. I do mostly crochet at
www.twtich.tv/bruisedweasel. So, I will crochet and augment it with other crafts, maybe a couple games, and whatever else I can think of.
Then there's timing. Weekends are the most busy on
Twitch.tv. And
National Suicide Prevention Week runs from September 5-11 this year, with World Suicide Prevention Day on September 10. I knew I had to stream from September 9-11. The numbers screamed it, the cause awareness screamed it. It was too perfect. I decided to start Friday, September 9 at noon, and run it until Sunday September 11 at noon.
Time, cause, and platform chosen, I jumped into all the fun little things that make up a long stream event. These things will be in their own posts as they happen. I will do my best to keep updates timely and accurate, to keep Dear Reader informed and provide adequate information to those interested in donating or helping out. I am a little fearful I've bitten off more than I can chew. I have already been amazed by the generosity and support of fellow Twitch-Creative community members. My doubt lies within myself, I do not know which way things will go, or how my endurance will hold out. Or even if I can be interesting for so long. But I hope for success, and that is what I shall push for, after jumping in like this.
This is the campaign blog's launching post. May she sail strong and far, and bring light and hope to those lost in the dark waters of whatever despair haunts them.
